Pre-thoughts

I'm watching the fourth season of LOST right now... It is so good. I can hardly contain myself at times.

I need to get a grip.

On reality.

And the reality is that I am leaving for South Korea, a half a world away, in a little more than twenty-four hours.

...

I suppose that this post was going to come. If you're not in the mood to read, that's fine. I just want to put down some of my concrete feelings and anxieties and expectations before I leave.

Confessional

A friend sent me an e-mail recently telling me not to worry, and not to get too stressed out while I am preparing to go. The truth is, however, that I haven't really been stressed out this entire week. I've been reading a lot, watching some TV, doing a lot of stuff on the computer, and enjoying the outdoors. I might even cook a nice meal, have a glass of moderately-priced wine, and enjoy my last evening stateside tomorrow. Actually, I probably will do just that.

I really am excited to go on this trip. You know, "all my bags are packed, and I'm ready to go" sort of thing. But I really am not too nervous for it. I mean, look at it this way: if I go and I hate it, it's seven weeks long. I'll be back home in July and then I'm on my way to Minneapolis for three weeks. Whatever. I'll survive. And really, that's the only reason that I get nervous about things is because I'm afraid that I'll have a terrible time.

Maybe it's because I'm so unsure of what my experience is going to be like that I'm ignorant of how difficult this is going to be. Actually, strike that. I am ignorant of how difficult this is going to be. But I like new, exciting, challenges, and this past week really has gotten me more energized and ready to go more than anything.

Family Ties

Part of Holt International's policy with adopted Korean kids is that they have the opportunity, when they are adults, to fill out a form that lets the company know that I have a desire to get in touch with my birth mother. It's a standard form, and I filled it out months ago. The problem is, however, that the other part of the application process is that I have to write a letter to my birth mother. I'm not even sure what it's supposed to say. "Hey, I know you dropped me off at an orphanage twenty-one years ago, but here's how I've been"? I've tried to write the letter more than a few times, and I keep getting about a paragraph finished before I delete it all and go do something else.

I'm not sure if I can proper explain this to anyone who hasn't been adopted, but it's such a difficult thing, thinking about a birth mother who you know nothing about. I mean, is she tall, is she short, does she like art, does she have a cynical worldview? These are all questions that pass through my mind on a regular occurrence. And yet, I can't seem to even type a letter to her. It's inexplicable.

Expectations

I honestly don't know what to expect for these next seven weeks. I don't know what sort of kids I'm going to be working with, how easy the English instruction is going to be, how difficult it is going to be, how much it is going to cost, I really don't know anything specifically. But here are a few things I hope for:

-I hope to eat a lot of strange food.
-I hope to teach some people some English.
-I hope to not offend too many people.

That's about it though. Otherwise, I'm open to just about anything.

That's all for now. I don't think I'm missing anything. I'll post more tomorrow if there is.

If you could, I ask that if you're reading this right now that you take a few minutes and post a comment on this post. I'd like to know who I'm writing for...

Shalom,

---CJ